Lynse Leanne

Have you ever carried something that was too much for you to carry?  You know, when you were a little kid and you were asked to carry the carry on bag with toys and games for your family vacation flight.  10 minutes in and you are about to die.  If you are anything like me you suck it up because you are proud and you continue to struggle in silence.  You gasp for air to keep up with those around you because you don’t want to pipe in and say “hey, this is too heavy, can someone help me?”

When I was about 9 we went on a trip to Disneyland in California.  I grew up in Canada so this was my first trip out of the country and on a plan.  I was 9 and my brother 6.  Needless to say our parents plan was to distract us for the duration of the flight so we wouldn’t bother those seated around us.  We had all sorts of games and toys, colouring books, tapes and tape players.  And for a young 11 year old that can begin to take a toll.  I remember being fine into the airport and through security, but the long walk to the gate killed me.  This bag, that I am sure weighed more than me was holding me down, but my family kept getting ahead of me.  My face was red and I was huffing and puffing to keep up.  I didn’t want to admit my defeat.  I had to keep going.  So I did.  I didn’t break an ankle or have a break down, but I remember the emotions I felt as I was carrying that bag for what seemed like eternity and what seemed like all alone.

In hindsight I could have said 9 easy words and I could have been relieved of my burden.  Yet, because of pride or shame I continued to struggle under the weight of it.

This past week was also evidence of this concept for me.  I had been personally struggling with some things in my life and instead of sending someone a text, email or picking up the phone and saying, hey I need some help, I continued to struggle in silence.  Huffing and puffing to keep up and keep going.  Yet, the freedom after just saying, man, this is too much for me to handle alone was amazing.  The weight was no longer holding me down.

The circumstances didn’t change, but I no longer felt alone.  I was no longer struggling in the silence.

I don’t know where you are today, but if you are carrying something inside of you that is weighing you down and you feel like you are carrying it alone, let someone in.  Stop struggling in silence and tell someone it’s too much for you.  No one, including you and I, should have to struggle in silence.

This year I turned 25. Saturday actually. I had very low expectations and not because I didn’t want to be disappointed, but because I wanted a low key birthday. I wanted to sleep in, eat good food, and spend time with Chad and friends. And that is just what I did.

We slept in and then got ready to head into Portland. We had a “plan” but not really. I had an Apple Store appointment for my iPhone because if you touched the top left side of the screen the phone went in and out of silence/vibrate mode. weird. they replaced it. yay for a new phone!!

We set out into Portland and first stopped for lunch at Pastini’s. It’s this Italian restaurant that is so delightful. They have wonderful food and it is rather inexpensive. Though that didn’t matter today because if you sign up on their website and give them your birthday they send you a coupon for a FREE ENTREE on your birthday. I got a Roast Beef sandwich…i know, odd at an Italian place, but I didn’t want pasta for lunch.

It was so tasty!!

Then we went to the mall and checked out some stores, did some shopping. I got a cute sweater and shirt and then fulfilled one of my 2011 goals of owning more accessories like necklaces and such. I will take some pics and share those later!

Then off we went to Powell’s to browse the books and find a fun NW book for our nephew….we came up empty handed, but not because they lack books…we are too picky.

Then it was off to PF Changs for my birthday dinner with friends. It’s sort of becoming a tradition. Changs Spicy Chicken. so tasty.

As we left i decided to top off a perfect day I would need a Nutella and Banana Crepe from our favourite group of Food Carts in Portland.  The crepe was so wonderful and a perfect end to a perfect day spent with Chad and friends.

I couldn’t have asked for a better 25th Birthday!  Thanks to all of you for your kind Facebook posts, Tweets, texts and phone calls.  You made the first day of my 25th year spectacular!

What is your perfect day?

And not the Miss. Congeniality “perfect date”….  and if you don’t remember that scene here it is

We spent the last weekend in New Orleans…and ya’ll…it is HOTTTTTTT!!!! I could never live there in the spring or summer…but Cafe du Monde and great food made the heat bearable. But onto today…or whatever…..

I have realized that i have not done this in a while and i have some new peeps clicking in from time to time…So i would love to take a day and answer any questions you have.

Nothing is off limits…if i dont want to answer publicly i will email you a response, but i will answer each question.

So…ummmm….what you wanna know?

I posted last summer about my journey and process with Self Injury here.

I am not saying that i am going to answer the questions….i just want to know if they are out there….and if they are what are they.

So….

I am curious….is there anything that you wish you knew about Self Injury?

I was talking with someone the other day and talking about how we become our parents.

To be totally 100% honest i have this underlying fear in my life and marriage that i will end up like my dad….after 26 years of marriage i will decide for one reason or another that i am out. i dont want to do it anymore.

But i know what the word says and i am totally committed to God and to my wonderful husband Chad.

She brought this thought to my attention….it is all in perspective.

She asked,

well, who is your daddy?

She then encouraged me to change my perspective to realize that God is my dad and He is making me just like Him. Holy, blameless, committed…someone after His own heart.

So, i would like to encourage you today to think about it….change your perspective.

Who is your daddy?