Lynse Leanne

If you go to church: why do you go to church?

If you do not go to church: why don’t you go to church?

A few Sunday nights ago i experienced something absolutely beautiful. I experienced the beauty of confession.
Another church is meeting in our church building on Sunday nights. The new church is called Xchange church. It is a church for recovering addicts.

I went thinking it would be just another church service with music, a speaker, more music and then we would call it a night and go about our evening.

I was wrong.

What i walked in to was one of the most amazing places i had ever been. These people were raw and real with themselves and those around them. Most of them had some sort of a criminal record and had essentailly hit rock bottom. Their families had left, they lost everything they had in pursuit of an addiction that lead them further and further into loss. They reached their ends where they were the most broken they could be and they knew life could only get better. The room was so full of life and energy.

We sang some songs and then the pastor got up and introduced this woman. She was going to share her story. And she did it with such elloquence. She opened her life up to us and shared her hurts and her successes. She shared about losing custody of her children and read us a devistating letter her oldest daughter (7 at the time) wrote to her when she went to jail for 6 months for a felony possession. Her daughter pleaded for the mother she knew when she was 3 and the mother without the drugs.

Now, I havent been in church my whole life but I have been in church long enough to know that there is always judgement and there are blank stares that look back at you when you open up. But she took that risk and shared herself with us. And this church, this beautiful, broken place spoke words of encouragement when she would pause and begin to cry. It was so moving.

As i sat in the back with tears falling down my cheek I experienced what the church was supposed to be.

These people live daily in recovery. They live daily accepting that they are broken and have messed up and the only way to move forward is to share. The people at that church are raw, honest and vulnerable because they know the secret is to not keep secrets. They know that secrets and brokenness increase in the darkness of secrets.

We are all broken people and the more we try and hide our brokenness the more broken we make others feel.

If we all would realize our brokenness and ministered, or were allowed to minister out of it the church could and would become a safe place. A place where people could share their darkness and not be judged. Because in each of us there is a darkness.

We all have that something we perceive, and the world may perceive to be broken and dark.

maybe instead of working so hard to hide it what if we took a step out and shared it it could make the world, and maybe the stuffy church a little more safe. A little more comfortable.

Chad has started his new job at Whipple Creek. He is busy and loving it. I am loving it for him. He is doing what he loves…he is talking church and ministry. He is in a pastor role. he is considered a “pastor” but working on the licensing thing….you know, the legal mambo jambo. ;)

wait…did you just read that? my husband is a pastor! I am married to a pastor…and that makes me….

you guessed it…

A PASTORS WIFE.

I knew this was coming. I liked the idea of it. but then BAM…it hit me.

i have this picture and concept in my head of what a pastor’s wife should be like…and i am unsure i fit it. I know that if i am genuine and me it will all be good…but honestly it is the dang title that scares me.

I dont care too much for boxes and trying to fit in them and actually i heard this quote somewhere,

people who dont like boxes are those that dont fit in them…

and it is so true. I dont feel like i fit into the “pastor’s wife” box…or really want to. well, the stereotypical pastor’s wife box. There are freaking sweet pastor’s wives that are around… case in point Tam Hodge, Lori Wilhite, Brandi Wilson….and i can be like those pastor’s wives….just not the duggars like…not that she is a pastor’s wife. anyways, i digress.

all of that to say that the title and not the responsibility that freaks me out.  and i know it is just a title or a label or a box…but still it scares me.  ha!

Have you ever had a title, label or box that scared you?  do share.

well, i thought this would be easy.  to close this chapter of my life.  I thought it would be easy because i am excited about the future and where i know God is leading Chad and I…but it doesnt make it easy.

Any of you who know me know that i am not a crier….but the end of the last Sunday service i was done.  I started thinking about the 5 years of Sundays that i have been here….and all of the fun memories….

church on the football field at the high school after hurricane Ivan
my first Sunday at Set up
my first Sunday running lights
the first Sunday i was on staff
the Sundays that God moved in my life and heart
the Sunday i graduated from 24/7
the first Sunday that the Nursery/Preschool was left in my leadership at 18

All of these memories of this season. The good ones and the bad ones….but they all made me who i am and played into my life. All of the people that poured into me throughout my time as an intern and my time as a staff member….I am blessed.

I am walking away from my time at Highlands full, thankful and loved. But i just wish i could stop the waterworks.

Whats the last thing you have done that was hard but rewarding?

After listening to many many many church leaders today at The Nines I was thinking alot about what church is….what it should look like.

Is it a building?
Is it a person?
Is it a pastor?
Is it me?
Is it you?
Is it the ladies you have coffee with in the mornings?
Is it your community?

If there was no boundaries….no limits….and nothing mattered, what would the perfect church look like for you? Is it different than the one you are at now?