It was hot, I was sweaty, I was uncomfortable.  I don’t like the looks I get since I look like I should be having a baby sooner than I am.  Some people smile, others just have a slight pitty twinge in their eyes.  It freaks me out….maybe I care too much.  Whatever.
We were walking home and a lady sitting there with a new baby and a 3 year old.  She asked when I was due and I said “August 13th…about 6 weeks…though I wish it was now.”  She smiled and asked if it was our first, we responded with yes, we are excited.  She paused for a second and said something that I hadn’t thought about…and Chad hadn’t thought about.

These is our last month (maybe less).  Never again will it just be us.  Never again will we leave the house at 11:23 because we really want pancakes.  Never again will we get that care-free life that we have enjoyed.  It sunk in that life is about to change for the better.  We are so excited to welcome Print, don’t get me wrong, but I realized I was wishing away these last 4 weeks of just us and the care-free life we get to have.

Yes, I am uncomfortable and I can’t walk nearly as fast as normal. I have to pee a million times a day and have a baby kicking my bladder or ribs…sometimes both.  I am tired all the time, but it is the last month of Chad and Lynse.

And because of the discomfort, bathroom changes and so forth I was wishing this time away.  I was wishing it away because I am excited to meet our little man, but I don’t want to wish away this time with Chad.

So we committed to savor each moment before Print joins our family.  Each time we watch a late movie, go to bed late or go out to eat we are going to be fully there because things are going to change….for the better.  And instead of wishing it away we are going to live in the now.

Have you ever spent time wishing things away? I am guilty of it all the time.

We narrowed it down to 2 middle names so we let our dog choose. The first name was the same, but we equally liked the 2 middle name options….so we let the other family member choose….Jett the dog.

The first name is a family name on Chad’s side.  We really really liked it because it gave us the “family name” as well as a unique name.

So there you have it….the little one has a name.

Did you or will you go traditional or unique when it comes to names?

I worry about everything.  I worry about paying bills when I know we can.   I worry that the baby I am carrying will not join us in less than 4 months.  I worry that the medical bills to have the baby, even with insurance, will be too much to handle.  I worry about Chad dying when he doesn’t call me when I think he should.

I literally worry about every. little. thing.

But I am realizing slowly but surely that my worry can’t change any of those things.

I am realizing that worrying can actually cause more harm than good in some cases.

The truth is, if any of those worries become realities I know that I am surrounded with people that can and would support me. I have a faith that would sustain me in those times. I just have to let it go and that is the hardest part.

But I am learning.  And isn’t that what life is about?  Learning and growing into a better and wiser person?

Are you a worrier or a pretty go with the flow kind of person ?

This picture was taking in High School…the summer between my Junior and Senior year.

The four of us were inseparable. We did everything together. We met at church…well, i met them at church, they were friends much longer than I was in the picture because we moved between my sophomore and junior year.

There were so many fun memories that we all had together. There were a lot of things we learned about each other, life and ourselves. Together we dealt with big life issues and played…usually in the same day.

These 3 girls made my last 2 years in high school enjoyable. They were the first friends to know my story. They loved me. We loved and still love each other.

- we would sneak out to fork our youth pastors lawn, video tape it, show our parents and then lie about WHEN it was.
- we shared some of our darkest moments.
- we kept up on each others lives through our spybooks.
- we had random photo shoots.
- we snuck in and redesigned Irene’s room, while you were out style.
- we went camping.
- we endured, each Sunday, the bible study we were in and affectionately referred to it as “torture.”
- tattoos before we were 18.
- we drove one early morning to Denver to see Hanson. Sat in the hot sun all day for a 7pm show. And Zac touched our hands. Irene and I cried.

That time in life felt like a movie. We all had different styles, different life stories, different families and different perspectives. But it worked.

We have all gone our separate ways…. Irene has 4 precious kids and an amazing husband who is in the Air Force. Rachel is married to her first love and she’s in nursing school. Becca is living in California and is beautiful as ever. and well, we know where I am.

i know i look back on those days with fond memories. Some fun and hilarious. Some tough and growing experiences. But all memories that have made me the Lynse that i am today.

Do you have those friends that you knew in High School that you still talk with?

i know that there have been times in my life when i am happy externally…like things are going my way and everything is good. But then the other times in life when i am not too happy and the things around me kind of suck. You know, the times when you’re not happy with your job or the amount of money you have.

on the other hand i know that joy is a fruit of the spirit and you should walk always in the joy that God is the provider and saviour. But does that mean that i always have to be happy?

Anyways my thought is, is there a difference between joy and happiness? Is joy internal and happiness external? Can you have joy inside and be very unhappy with the life around you?

Curious of your thoughts. Is there a difference in joy and happiness? is joy internal and happiness circumstantial?

Something to be an outlet.

Chad thinks I should take up knitting.

I am unsure about that option.

I just can’t see myself doing this….

What is your hobby? Do you have one?

When do social anxiety issues become an excuse or a cop out?

I have social anxiety issues.  Due to several reasons and the fact that i am a natural introvert and enjoy my time alone or with a few close friends i despise large group settings.

DESPISE.

I dont even like small group settings where i dont know everyone personally.  I am awkward.  I forget how to talk with out getting bright red and because its easier tend to become a wall flower that comes off as super standoffish.

But, i know this about me.

I tend to decline invites to things because they make me uncomfortable.  I feel out of control.  And Chad, being the good husband pointed out to me that sometimes it is my excuse.

You remember a while back those commercials for Herbal Essence or something like that where the girl kept saying she couldnt go on a date because she “had to wash my hair.”  Valid…washing your hair is a very good thing, but it was an excuse.

I have to protect my emotions and anxiety levels because it does mess me up and get me all stressed.  It effects my sleeping and my eating.  But at the same time i have to suck it up for several reasons.

1. how will i ever be “ok” in social settings if i keep saying no to them?
2. what does it communicate to the people that want to hang out with me if i keep saying no?
3. life is all about balance.  i cant always say yes and i cant always say no.
4. sometimes stretching my comfort zone proves to me and others that its not as bad as i think it is.

I used to freak out and have crying spells before going into my own birthday parties.  Chad can attest to this.  It was the first “event” we went to for me (my birthday) that i was scared to death to go to.  Because i would be the center of attention.  Details were given to the hosts and they knew if i felt threatened i would leave.  was i uncomfortable?  yes!  Was it a healthy and safe thing to do? Yes!  I went it and it was obviously a good decision.  I had a blast with my friends.  I ate incredible food.  And most importantly made some good memories.

I could have made an excuse….and stayed home in my comfort zone.  Instead i pushed myself and it paid off.

i am curious if im the only one….or do you let your social anxiety get in the way of life?

option 1 being i can work out now and be healthy and lead a healthy life for many years
option 2 i can continue to eat and indulge now and pay later. continue to gain weight which will in turn jack up my knees and other joints and then potentially be unable to enjoy life in the future.

it seems pretty black and white right? ya, to me too.

but to be honest, i am a quitter. I have good intentions to work out and go running but half way through i quit. I have no self drive when it comes to working out. and to be honest again, it really pisses me off. i look back throughout my life and i see this Lynse that has drive to get through some pretty hellish things.

I pushed through and survived the sexual and emotional abuse.
I pushed through and quit pot and cocaine.
I pushed through dealing with the abuse because i knew it would benefit me.

Now, none of those things were easy or fun. Let me tell you i hated every minute of it.

But when it comes to working out and getting healthy i cant push through and i always end up quitting.

Through my years in TwentyFourSeven during our insane workouts the leader would say several things to motivate us. The one thing that always stands out in my head is

“you can pay now or you can pay later.”

I can pay now by working out and pushing my body to run that extra mile or do that extra lunge or crunch. Or i can pay later by being unhealthy with a poor quality of life.

those are essentially my two options.

but every time i put on my exercise clothes and tie up my shoes there is that voice inside of me that says i will never finish the run. or i cant ever lose weight or get healthy. And i buy into it and quit.

I am a quitter.

I dont want to be a quitter. I dont want to be the person that looks back years from now and wishes that i would have just paid in my 20′s instead of paying in my 50′s.

As much as i would love a Jillian Michaels, (who by the way is so freaking kick ass) I dont think it would be good for me in the long run. Knowing me, after she left or i quit seeing the trainer i would quit. I would have not built equity up in myself to get out there and face my demons of quitting and would find another excuse to quit.

This is much more than a weight issue for me. This is a character thing. It is going to be a life long struggle that isn’t even associated to my physical health. It is a motivation issue. It is a self value issue. It is a confidence issue. A self starting issue.

And right now to combat this I think the only way i know how will be to put on my exercise clothes daily and lace up my running shoes daily and push myself. Do that last mile, that last lunge, that last crunch.

Not because I need to lose weight, but I need to show myself that I value me, that I deserve to be healthy, that most importantly i wont quit on myself.

What do you always end up quitting that you need to push through?

If you want to read more about it here is an article I found about it.

I’m curious what you think about this…

If you follow me on twitter you know that we watch CSI like it is our job. If we were getting paid to watch it we would be millionaires. We love it! Before we moved we had the first 3 seasons on DVD and would watch them over and over and over and over. We had seen each episode at least 5 times but we would still watch them.

We own up to season 4 now and are in the middle of season 6 via Netflix. Each night we go home after our days and watch a CSI. We have done it for 2 years now. Chad still laughs at me because one Saturday morning I woke up and we were discussing our day and I expressed that I just wanted to “watch our friends”, meaning Gil, Sarah, Catherine, Nick, Warrick. I was partly sarcastic but partly not.

But last night as we were watching Season 6 I was thinking about how this is “our thing.” It would be weird to watch CSI with someone else. It is what Chad and I do. I know, we are dorks, but it is one thing that we can agree upon always.

And those things are good.

What is “your thing?” with or without a spouse.