Lynse Leanne

We played this video at the end of our message today. I can so relate to it. Here are the lyrics…

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that’s real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar’s chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

I could always relate to this song because of my past in cutting and self injury with the whole “hurt myself today.”

I just wanted to share it with you today….cause man, it messed me up. But it about what you will leave…

Thoughts?

Untitled from Lynse Leanne on Vimeo.

if you want more information on the Dream Center or want to download some cool Wallpapers you can go to their website here.

Yesterday was my day off. I spent most of the morning laying in my bed praying and journaling despite the power outage that was at our apartments.

I was praying for Chad, for me, for us…for vision, for direction, for what to do. We both have huge dreams. Huge…bigger than we are. bigger than we can understand or even think about doing.

And as i was praying i felt the still small voice speak to me and say

“Lynse, just love my church.”

And that was it. it was a simple, yet peaceful statement. It brought clarity.

It is just that simple…God has called us all to do great things, but the only way that can happen is if we love His Church…not your church, not your mamas church….the Church, Gods Church…his people.

Just love His Church.

But why do you think it is so hard to simply love His Church?

so i am aware that i am totally dropping the ball in the blogging arena. If i ever go MIA again know that you can find me and follow me here. Twitter is where you can see my day to day…simply easier to give you 140 characters on the fly than to sit down and write.

Especially right now.

When i decided to write here i build the foundation of LynseLeanne on truth. sometimes hard for me to share, sometimes challenging….but truth. Bringing you all on the journey of my life. And i have not been doing that. I have been alluding to the place where i am currently in my life….but i have tip toed around it. and that is not something i like from others, so i am sorry i have been doing it to you all.

Right now i am in one of the darkest places and times of my life. I am working through a lot of things from my past (sexual abuse, family issues, relational issues, personal decisions…etc.) but i am going through it. I am choosing to stand up and face all of the junk that has been hidden in my closets….and trust me, there are a lot of closets and tons more skeletons.

It is dark. It is scary. it is uncomfortable. it is messy. it hurts. i dont understand it. i dont like it. i want to quit daily. i am more honest with myself than ever before. I am more honest with God than ever before. I am more honest with people than ever before.

BUT…2 years ago a friend of mine spoke at a church and i went to see her. Her opening story was brilliant. She had all the lights in the theater shut off and it was pitch black. She used some fancy adjectives to describe the darkness…the isolation….the sick comfort that comes in the darkness. And abruptly the lights came on. your eyes hurt, they had to adjust…but for a minute it was painful. You had to adjust and refocus….but after a bit it was better. You could now see the things that you couldn’t in the dark. You can move around without fear of hitting something or getting hurt.

but at first it wasn’t comfortable.

I am in the uncomfortable part right now. I am bringing things to light, and it hurts.

I am not telling you this for sympathy, comments or really any other reason than the fact that this is where i am and i want to share it with you. I cant expect this place to be a community, or share our lives if i am not sharing mine.

So in this i encourage you to share your story….doesn’t have to be here, doesn’t have to be online, but share with someone. Bring someone along on your journey. I haven’t regretted it yet.