Lynse Leanne

lets face it.  my number 1 reason is that I am pregnant and I cry at everything.  So something like this makes crazy amounts of tears flow.

But as any true Oprah Show watcher I have spent actual time in my day thinking about the show ending and how I feel about it.  It makes me pretty sad to think about Oprah not being on at 4.  Literally for my entire life she has been on.  She was one of the consistent things in my life throughout our moves that I could count on.  It was always something my mom and I watched every day after school.  Oprah and Rosie, until Rosie got a little crazy.  But it was consistent.

From Calgary to Franklin to Colorado Springs to Birmingham and then to Vancouver (WA) Oprah was always on.  And sadly, for me it is nostalgic.  I would think about watching it with my mom and in my somewhat not safe world I felt safe for a little while because she and I were together and we were enjoying our afternoons.  It gave us a connection point, something to talk about.

And now that I am 25 and have crazy prego emotions coursing through my veins and tear ducts and I think about how Print and I will connect one day and I remember fondly those moments with my mom.  And our common bond, when there was nothing else was Oprah.

So yes, I am sad The Oprah Show is ending.  Will I survive?  Of course.  Will I cry when I watch the finale?  Yes, I am crying now thinking about it.

But it will end tomorrow.  my life and hers will go on.  I will find another show.  And let’s face it, Print is a boy and probably wouldn’t have liked Oprah anyways.

Will you watch the last Oprah show?

Many of you know that Chad and I are pregnant…well, I am, he is lovingly gaining sympathy weight.  We are due August 13th with a baby boy.  We have finally chosen a name for our little man.

We narrowed it down to 2 middle names so we let our dog choose. The first name was the same, but we equally liked the 2 middle name options….so we let the other family member choose….Jett the dog.

The first name is a family name on Chad’s side.  We really really liked it because it gave us the “family name” as well as a unique name.

So there you have it….the little one has a name.

Did you or will you go traditional or unique when it comes to names?

Over the past week I have been in conversations with people about various things from how Christians should respond to the killing of Osama bin Laden to the Christian world view on Islam to abortion and really everything in between. I am thankful for these raw and challenging discussions because I like to debate and discuss…i enjoy the thrill of knowing both sides and being able to have intelligent discussion about it with facts and valid feelings and points. My dad raised me well in that area.

However, I am burdened with the fact that it seems everyone has an opinion on how Christians as a whole should have an opinion about some of these things. I understand that scripture is very clear on some things and not so clear on others. I get when it is very clear that God has said this should be your view.

but in the desire to have an intelligent discussion….i wonder if we have taken it a step too far?

I wonder if in deeming what is and is not appropriate for a Christian to think about the killing of bin Laden has gone too far.

We all have feelings, thoughts and opinions that are all equally valid.

I wonder if we, me included has at times moved past iron sharpening iron relationship and moved into removing each others freedom of speech.

I think there is a very thin line where we are called to sharpen each other and maybe that line is in private. Not publicly on blogs and twitter.

I was actually disgusted with how Christians were treating each other on Sunday evening as the news was released.

We each have a process and each have a world view that has been created by the lives that we have lived up until this point. We each have a relationship with God that has formed how we perceive the world around us. And it is very different than the person next to you….and a lot of times everyone else’s.

Each of us will one day have to answer for our responses good or bad and it might be a little presumptuous to assume that I should have yours. Because, I do in fact have a brain and can make adult decisions and formulate intelligent opinions.

I am all for a friend caring enough to call a friend out on something that is maybe not in their best interest, but at the same time it should be done in the right context and with the right heart. A mass tweet with scripture of how we clearly should think, in my opinion is not the way. That is why we have a cheesy name for it on twitter…. “Jesus Juked”.

I don’t know. Maybe I am wrong, but I am deeply burdened with the fact that we should be able to be open and honest with each other without the fear of being judged because of an opinion.

People may not agree, but that is a part of adulthood.
We disagree.
We talk about it.
We resolve.

But we don’t gang up on each other and bully in a passive aggressive tone.
We love like they are our sibling and we move on.

But that just may be the way I see it. And I want healthy dialogue…I enjoy it. I don’t enjoy attacks and judgement.

So if you would like to dialogue with me and with other people that is more than welcome here. And please comment below. You can also comment by clicking this link.

A few Sunday nights ago i experienced something absolutely beautiful. I experienced the beauty of confession.
Another church is meeting in our church building on Sunday nights. The new church is called Xchange church. It is a church for recovering addicts.

I went thinking it would be just another church service with music, a speaker, more music and then we would call it a night and go about our evening.

I was wrong.

What i walked in to was one of the most amazing places i had ever been. These people were raw and real with themselves and those around them. Most of them had some sort of a criminal record and had essentailly hit rock bottom. Their families had left, they lost everything they had in pursuit of an addiction that lead them further and further into loss. They reached their ends where they were the most broken they could be and they knew life could only get better. The room was so full of life and energy.

We sang some songs and then the pastor got up and introduced this woman. She was going to share her story. And she did it with such elloquence. She opened her life up to us and shared her hurts and her successes. She shared about losing custody of her children and read us a devistating letter her oldest daughter (7 at the time) wrote to her when she went to jail for 6 months for a felony possession. Her daughter pleaded for the mother she knew when she was 3 and the mother without the drugs.

Now, I havent been in church my whole life but I have been in church long enough to know that there is always judgement and there are blank stares that look back at you when you open up. But she took that risk and shared herself with us. And this church, this beautiful, broken place spoke words of encouragement when she would pause and begin to cry. It was so moving.

As i sat in the back with tears falling down my cheek I experienced what the church was supposed to be.

These people live daily in recovery. They live daily accepting that they are broken and have messed up and the only way to move forward is to share. The people at that church are raw, honest and vulnerable because they know the secret is to not keep secrets. They know that secrets and brokenness increase in the darkness of secrets.

We are all broken people and the more we try and hide our brokenness the more broken we make others feel.

If we all would realize our brokenness and ministered, or were allowed to minister out of it the church could and would become a safe place. A place where people could share their darkness and not be judged. Because in each of us there is a darkness.

We all have that something we perceive, and the world may perceive to be broken and dark.

maybe instead of working so hard to hide it what if we took a step out and shared it it could make the world, and maybe the stuffy church a little more safe. A little more comfortable.

I shared my story out loud for the first time ever. Consecutively. There are people that know the bits and pieces that put all together help to create a glimpse of who i am. But I have never, out loud, in my voice shared my story. I wrote it down. I posted it on here. And for me that was relatively easy.

You see, writing is very easy for me. To write my deepest feelings comes natural. Sharing them online is a little harder but most certainly leaps and bounds easier than vocalizing them.

in my 24 year old brain saying something out loud has such power. It makes it more real. It leaves me feeling more exposed. I can hide behind my computer screen and type things out and click “publish” and there it goes. I dont see people reading it. I dont see their reaction. I may hear about it, but I’m not there when they read it. So they cant hurt me. They cant reject me. It’s very safe.

But a while ago i took a step out of my comfort zone and i shared my story out loud. I had been walking each morning with a lady from our church here whom is older than me and has grown children. Her life has been one of ups and downs, like most peoples. She was real and she was willing to speak very freely about her faults and failures. Because she was so open with me i wanted to return the favor. and i knew she would be safe.

I thought, how hard could sharing my story be out loud? I mean, i blogged it and people read it and I am fine. It’s already out there.

But the day came when i had decided i would share.

i froze.

I babbled and stalled.

I brought up small talk throughout our walk to hopefully run out of time to be able to share my story. I had let the fear of sharing with her face to face stop me from sharing the things that i went through and have built me.

I went home very frustrated with myself because i couldnt even share out loud the things that happened. I was scared to connect some of the words like sexual abuse or drug addiction to myself out loud. As if it would make it more real than it already was. I was scared to see her reaction.

What if she judged me?
What if she didn’t want to go walking anymore?
What if she saw me as needy?
What if….

So i went home discouraged and decided that no matter how uncomfortable it made me it wasnt an option. I would have to break my little issue and share it out loud. It was the next step in my healing.

The next morning we went walking and i made small talk for a bit and knew i needed to step out. So, i took a deep breath in and went into it. It took the duration of our walk to share it…the ins and outs. the hurts and dynamics. But i shared my story out loud.

in that moment i felt more free than i ever had. for the first time i shared in front of someone and she didnt judge me. she didnt think i was sick or twisted. she listened. she wanted to understand the things that make me, me. and it was fantastic.

have you shared your story? does sharing things out loud scare you like me?