I am a quitter
I have this deep desire in me to lose weight. I see my parents and their weight struggles and I am on a pretty forward path to end up over weight and very unhealthy. I am 24 right now and have many years ahead of me. I have always said i dont want to live to be really old if my quality of life isnt great. I dont want to be confined to a bed or a wheel chair. That is just me. But as i look forward into the future my options are pretty black and white…
option 1 being i can work out now and be healthy and lead a healthy life for many years
option 2 i can continue to eat and indulge now and pay later. continue to gain weight which will in turn jack up my knees and other joints and then potentially be unable to enjoy life in the future.
it seems pretty black and white right? ya, to me too.
but to be honest, i am a quitter. I have good intentions to work out and go running but half way through i quit. I have no self drive when it comes to working out. and to be honest again, it really pisses me off. i look back throughout my life and i see this Lynse that has drive to get through some pretty hellish things.
I pushed through and survived the sexual and emotional abuse.
I pushed through and quit pot and cocaine.
I pushed through dealing with the abuse because i knew it would benefit me.
Now, none of those things were easy or fun. Let me tell you i hated every minute of it.
But when it comes to working out and getting healthy i cant push through and i always end up quitting.
Through my years in TwentyFourSeven during our insane workouts the leader would say several things to motivate us. The one thing that always stands out in my head is
“you can pay now or you can pay later.”
I can pay now by working out and pushing my body to run that extra mile or do that extra lunge or crunch. Or i can pay later by being unhealthy with a poor quality of life.
those are essentially my two options.
but every time i put on my exercise clothes and tie up my shoes there is that voice inside of me that says i will never finish the run. or i cant ever lose weight or get healthy. And i buy into it and quit.
I am a quitter.
I dont want to be a quitter. I dont want to be the person that looks back years from now and wishes that i would have just paid in my 20’s instead of paying in my 50’s.
As much as i would love a Jillian Michaels, (who by the way is so freaking kick ass) I dont think it would be good for me in the long run. Knowing me, after she left or i quit seeing the trainer i would quit. I would have not built equity up in myself to get out there and face my demons of quitting and would find another excuse to quit.
This is much more than a weight issue for me. This is a character thing. It is going to be a life long struggle that isn’t even associated to my physical health. It is a motivation issue. It is a self value issue. It is a confidence issue. A self starting issue.
And right now to combat this I think the only way i know how will be to put on my exercise clothes daily and lace up my running shoes daily and push myself. Do that last mile, that last lunge, that last crunch.
Not because I need to lose weight, but I need to show myself that I value me, that I deserve to be healthy, that most importantly i wont quit on myself.
What do you always end up quitting that you need to push through?
You are not a quitter. A quitter wouldn't have gone through as much as you already have gone through. Maintaining a healthy weight is a slow process of a lifetime. These brief moments where you didn't make your immediate goal (run a little further) doesn't mean that the long term goal (a healthy life) still isn't there. And by the way, by your photo here on this blog, I really wouldn't have guessed that you have any weight to lose. Best of luck to you! You're very strong.
Everyone struggles with the motivation thing. It’s not fun. That’s why it’s called a work out. It’s far easier to lament about never getting things done than it is to be proactive and do them.
You don’t have to be a marathon runner. You just have to start somewhere. If all you manage is ten minutes before you quit, that’s progress. Next time, go one block farther. It seems easy, but If it required no effort everyone would be thin and healthy. It’s work. It’s a concious decision to eat better and move more.
Admitting you’re a quitter is a moot point. We’re all quitters. Some people quit and stay there; they’re comfortable in their unhappiness because as much as it sucks, it’s familiar. But a body in motion tends to stay in motion. The opposite is also true. As long as you continue to buy in to your old mentality, the physical work you put into it will mean nothing.
Lynse, don’t believe the lie! It is in things like this that our enemy rears his ugly head and causes us to give up, then making a wayfor us to be critical of ourselves. I’m almost twice your age and my joints hurt from carrying extra weight on my bones for most of my life. However, I think I may finally be at a point where I will intentionally try to lose weight. The achy joints, high blood glucose level and high blood pressure all are weighing on my conscience this year. However, fat or thin, young or old, I am still me and I have no reason to be critical of myself…just like you! You are strong and see things through. You are not perfect and the only one who reminds you of that doesn’t deserve your attention except during times of prayer.
Dave Ingland´s last blog ..The illusion better known as- The Church