Dreaming Awake
This past Sunday night we started this little thing called “Dream Labs.” I don’t know if you have heard anything about it in the interwebs, but it is awesome. Spending some time and dreaming, talking about your dreams and being held accountable to achieving your dreams.
As we were talking a few people made the point that they stopped dreaming in Middle School….and come to think about it….so did i. But for reasons that others may not have.
The more we talked and the more i talked i realized that my dreams stopped when my life kicked into survival mode. After the abuse, after the move, after i vowed to keep quite….to keep those things my secrets…
My dreams for the future, what i wanted to be when i grew up all stopped when i was focused on tomorrow….surviving the junk that my life had handed me and needing to be “ok” until bed time. and then once i was rested i could wake up and fake my way through another day.
As long as i could remember i just remember surviving….not like the Destiny’s Child – I’m a survivor (I’m sorry, now you will have that song in your head all day…love me for it. ;) ) but like the fight to live you see in National Geographic survival. Just waiting for another day to pass so i knew i kind of made it closer to what ever my life might become….what i might stumble into.
I fell into 24/7
I fell into working in the Nursery
I fell into lighting
I fell into social media
I fell into youth ministry
I fell into everything my life is right now
Would i go back and change it? No….because i have some things to show for it…good and bad. But it has shaped me into who i am.
But now that i am in a season in my life where i am dealing with all the crap that i was “surviving” from and i feel like i am learning to dream again. I feel like instead of surviving until tonight, or tomorrow i can actually change the way my tomorrows are…i can become who i dream about being…who God has designed for me to become.
I am learning to live…
but along with that i am learning to dream.
And i have to admit, right now i feel like there are no boundaries…i can be what i want to be….
My life is finally back in my hands. I can see past tomorrow. I can dream.
So, uh, I'm meant to thank you for getting 'Survivor' back in my head? It only took 3 years to get rid of it the first time…when it was replaced by 'Lose My Breath' … 'can you keep up?' (ask Diane sometime)
Dreams. I've always been great with having them. Just not implementing them. Often because of money and commitments and responsibility. But there's a way to make all those things get into balance. Just gotta find it. God's leading us down (up?) that path of discovery.
Ya, i know….isnt it awesome!! It is still in my head and i knew about it.
I think you are right….it is a path of discovery and we will always be on it….as encouraging or discouraging that is.
three years ago i also stopped dreaming. for some reasons, i just went dormant, i stopped caring, i didn't want to talk to people, i didn't build new relationships, i literally slept through those three years of my life. then in june 2009, i felt like i needed to get back to where i've been. im still on my way to recovery right now (hence the title of my blog: http://jojoagot.com/ )
the most shocking thing i realized was how far i've strayed away from God in those years. today, i have to read the Bible from cover to cover again because i've forgotten most of the verses i knew. just yesterday i was trying to locate the verse that says, "when you pass through the waters you will not be swept away…" i couldn't find it.
but at least i'm back on my feet again, thanks to the grace of God.
I am so glad that i am not the only one that has stopped dreaming….but i am also glad that others are dreaming with me. and spending time to focus on God and what He has for them. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
you are not alone lynse_leanne, im sure there are many others out there who are still in their survival mode but they simply don't want to talk about it.
Nicely said! I think there are many people who are in the same boat. We never had anyone beside us who encouraged us to dream, or as in my case, my life began to be filled with things to do, like church, choir, dating, etc.