As of today I am unemployed. I do not have a steady stream of income coming in.
And yes dad, It is scary as hell.
For the first time in my adulthood I don’t have a job. I’ve always had a job, and at times when I was transitioning jobs I would often overlap employment. Now, at 29 with two wee ones to care for I don’t have a job.
For the first time in my life I am trying to find my way on my path alone. I thankfully have really supportive partners who are willing to have my back and let me explore who I am, and what has made me who I am and what makes me passionate to get up in the morning.
I am coming out of a really intense season of transition and change. In the last 4 years I have had 2 kids, ended my marriage, walked away from the abusive churches I had been a part of, came out as queer, started a wonderful partnership, found my chosen family, lost my mom unexpectedly, found myself in a job where I constantly felt in over my head and fully accepted what it meant for me to have PTSD. That is a lot of shit.
I need to take the time now to make small changes and heal from my wounds so when it is time for me to break from my cocoon I know that I will have taken the time to be the best butterfly I can become.
For the first time in my life I am listening to my body and my gut. It is saying I need to dig in and do the emotional hard work so I can move forward in my life with resolution and focus.
One of the things that was said most often during the intense workouts was “You can pay now or you can pay later!” No matter what you’re going to have to do the work, but you get to choose when you do the work. You can put it off as long as you want, but you might miss out on some really great things if you’re not able to jump in with both feet when the time arrives.
It is a lesson that has stayed with me. I am going to have to do the work…I am a human. I can push it off or I can jump right in so I am ready when the time comes.
As I embark on this journey of doing the really hard work and intentionally removing aspects of my life that were no longer serving me so I can shift my priorities to match my goals. I plan on spending a lot of time following my gut and doing the things that bring me happiness and passion.
It is a trite lesson, but one that became obvious to me when my mom unexpectedly died last year, at 58. We have one life. And we don’t know when it will be over. Why not be the most authentic you and do what you need to do to feel passionate and happy?
Are you in a season of transition or working to change some things that no longer serve you? Let’s do it together!
Comment below and we can help each other become the best butterfly.